Dealing with conflict in an organization can be very stressful.  Depending our approach and style, dealing with conflict in an organization can even be detrimental.  The converse of not dealing with areas that can be tense is likened to sticking our head in the sand.  There are differences of opinions in our organizations.  I learned long ago that just because heads were nodding up and down to what I was saying DID NOT mean everyone agreed.  So how do we deal with differences?  How can we effectively manage conflict?  Do we really want or even need conflict in our company’s?  The answer to the later is absolutely yes, but healthy conflict is critical to building a great culture.  Can we effectively manage conflict?  We can, but we have to deal with the elephants in the room at the onset of building a culture of transparency and candor.

These are the really tough problem areas that have built up over time and no one wants to address them.  It could be a problem among our team.  We could have two members that have not seen eye-to-eye on a problem or opportunity for so long they now cannot even discuss the issue while in the same room.  I have found through experience, it is best to tackle these sort of issues in a two-day planning session where we have more than the two folks that disagree working on solving the issues in an open forum.  I tend to build a very tight off-site plan that allows me to moderate and participate in the off-site.  As a part of the off-site I will form teams that I know will mix things up a bit.  I will ensure that folks that disagree are on the same teams and they must solve the issues in order to win the offsite.  Now, how in the world will the walls come down in two days?  Well, how good are the questions we are asking the teams?  How important is the company to each of them?  Why are we all there, together, spending our time on this company?  There must be a foundation laid prior to and consistently throughout the offsite.  WE MUST KNOW WHY WE ARE ALL THERE…  Additionally, I build incentives.  The teams compete for dollars, yes, cold hard cash.   I do this based on a point system that allows the teams to know where they stand at any time in terms of points.  Further, I will award an MVP of the off-site at the end of the event for the highest point winner.  Every exercise has a point opportunity and the teams vote on the points with me having an override capability.

One more thing about the off-site is I mix in personal, get to know each other, types of exercises along with real company work product depending on which of the 9Lenses we are focused on at the time.  This allows everyone to see each other as people beyond just work.  They can see their families, learn their nick names, know about what they are passionate about in life and why.  I am amazed by what teams don’t know about each other.  I have come into companies that have been together for many years where the teams did not know anything about each other beyond the superficial.  These teams won’t win championships until they learn to play together as a team.  That takes knowing and caring for each other.  Beyond the off-sites, I will work into every review with the individuals a candid discussion about the elephants in the room and what we are doing about them.  I have found that over time I will need to use all four levels of communication (fully discussed in a separate blog) in these reviews.

All of these tools are great, but the real heart and soul of the matter is do we as leaders build a culture of accountability, transparency, and candor starting day one.   Day one can be today.  This culture cannot be one of “shooting of the handle” and saying whatever is on your mind in any manner we feel.  That would create more elephants and an unhealthy culture.  Rather, every communication has to be bathed in humility.  We must work hard to seek to understand versus being understood.  Once we have a culture that is “open” to listening and understanding, even learning as a way of being, then we can peel back the layers that are creating the elephants in the room.  If your company is dysfunctional – welcome to the real world -  as humans we all have our quirks.  I have many quirks, unfortunately, but we can work on them daily as a team, and there is real power in the team knowing you “know” and are “working on” your own quirks.

We are all human and actually quite amusing if we allow ourselves this freedom.  Each time we remove an elephant as a team, we become stronger.  There may not be a great answer, that we can see clearly, to some of the elephants.  That is okay.  The journey to the answer is just as powerful as the answer.  As soon as we embark on the journey of solving the tough issues surrounding our business, our opportunity for success will rise.  The elephants can be regarding interpersonal issues, strategy and operational issues, expectations alignment, financially based, ad nausea…  If you want to know the elephants in the room at your business.  All you need to do is ask.  Really ask and have the employees and customers know that you care and want to address them, even run a 9Lenses baseline – they will tell all.  That will provide you a first cut of the elephants.  During the off-site I will create an exercise, well into the second day, where I will ask everyone on a clean sheet of paper to write every elephant in the room they can see.  It is amazing what appears on that list if I have done a good job of bringing down the walls couple with having points are on the line.  The points won’t work if the team does not feel it will make a difference.  I will add, that all it takes is a few people beginning to compete at an offsite to allow everyone to roll up their sleeves and begin to compete.  So it is key to begin, and it may be after many years on the job so today is the day to begin, with building a culture of accountability, transparency, and candor that will lead to thoughtful action.  Go get it!

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